Another one gone....

It seems a little unbelievable that another year has past.

2008 was a full-on year for me, my husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary, my second child started school, my third child started daycare, i went back to work after 6 years at home with my beautiful kids, we welcomed two new members to the family...'Bella' and 'Ben' the cats...(who then decided to become 7....ARGHHHHH....so after finding homes for all but one of the kittens....we have now added 'Bindi' to the family as well!!) my eyes were opened to amazing things like facebook (hehehe) which has been awesome catching up with so many long lost!!! oh and blogging lol. All in all its been a very eventful year.

This year has had its share of heartache as well....with my Pop having a massive heart attack and needing emergency triple by pass surgery to keep him with us. This threw me big time! My Pop and Nan had a huge hand in raising me throughout my childhood....my Pop is the Father Figure in my life. He is an amazing man of integrity and a bug heart. I love my Grandparents so dearly....I cant bear to think of the day I have to say good bye.

So what are my plans for 2009......

well.....

um.....

there are so many things I want to achieve both within myself and for the life of my family.

I want to develop stronger friendships with my husband and my children.

I want to draw nearer to God in a deeper way...I want to understand His Will for my life and His Love for me.

I want to learn to like myself....I want to be free of the baggage that ties me down emotionally and spiritually.

I want to be healthier and fitter.

I want to trust more so that I can love more freely.

I want to excel.

I want to work hard and work well.

I want to be organised and not so stressed all the time.

I want to hire a house cleaner!!!

I want to be a support to the ones that are closest to me in my life...I want the people that are most important to me to feel cared for, loved, appreciated.

I think this list could go on forever...there are so many things that i want to improve about myself and my situation....but at the same time I am the happiest I can ever remember being....RIGHT NOW!

I have the most amazing family and friends....

I pray that you all have a safe and rewarding 2009...that the bumps and curves of life and love wont bounce you off you tracks.....love to you all....xxxx

......... :) ................

wow...I just had an awesome time at the Kaiser work party...had wayyyyyyyyy to much to drink...probably acted like a fool...but I really did have so much fun!!!

Im so blessed to work where I do...and I love the people I work with!!!

oh no

Ok so im kinda freakin out at the moment!!!

Im not the kinda girl who dresses up very often...i love my comfy clothes...but somehow I have to find something to wear to the work Christmas party...the invite dress to impress!!

The problem lies here...I think Ive forgotten how to do that!! And even if I knew what I was doing, my body has gone through some dramatic changes since having children...and they werent good changes!!! I look awful in everything I try on!!

So I think Im not going to be all that impressive at the Christmas party...which makes me sad (devastated actually) cos i really wish my body was the way it was 9 years ago and i could have worn whatever I wanted...not that I was that great back then but I certainly didnt have all the awkward bumps and bulges that are now all over me and simlpy refuse to look decent in anything!! I am going into town today with a new mission...I am no longer looking for a dress that will impress...(cos thats clearly not working for me)...I am now going to look for a simple top and pants...something safe and comfortable...this makes me a little sad cos I really wanted to look pretty and girly.

Oh well one day I will hopefully get somewhat of my shape back and feel confident enough to buy pretty clothes again...problem is a cant see it ever happening. I struggle with this everyday of my life and have for a long time...the truth be told I have had an eating disorder for the majority of my life...I know I know...hard to tell now cos im fat as at the moment...but I have suffered since I was 10 with bulimia which then eventuated to anorexia when I was 16 which landed me in the locked ward of an adolecsent hospital being forced to eat in exchange for my freedom.

(Some of you are probably thinking wow this is a little to deep to be writing on your blog jess...but...well this is me its who I am...)

I had a lot of trauma in my childhood,sometimes life just sux and this contributed to the decisions I made...I cant blame anyone else anymore...the buck has to stop with me..Im an adult now...in control of my choices...but I still really struggle day to day to not fall back into these habits...they have been there for as long as I can remember...the constant nagging voice of "you will never be good enough, you look disgusting, your fat, your ugly...." So in some strange way as protection against my self I have become very overweight...and as much as I cant stand to look at my self in the mirror...its a little safer to be this way than to run the risk of becoming sick again and being taken away. I have a 6 year old daughter and I dont want her to grow up knowing the realities of anorexia in her home...so I give her the reality of having an obese mother instead...makes a lot of sense doesnt it....well theres the funny thing I suppose...when has it ever made sense?

What child is this....

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Tonight is the night!!!

My little Miss Jasmine Claire is singing @ GLORIOUS @ Kardinia.

Im so nervous for her and excited and so very very very proud!! I think she is so brave!!

We went and got a beautiful dress today....oh and shoes...nail polish...earings...headband...hehehehe. Nothing like taking the opportunity to get dressed up!!

I will post some photosof the event as soon as I get the time!!

Stay tuned....xxx

My eyes welled up on Thursday night, when my little 19 month old Joshua said "PEESSSS" for the first time!!!

(thats please for all those that dont speak toddler)

Oh what a magical moment it was....im soooo proud of him.

Josh started talking really early, saying "dadda" at just 5 months old...he said a couple of other words in the following months but then at around 9 months he stopped..only letting out "dadda" and "mam".

So this progress is much celebrated in our home at the moment...its like the lights have turned on for him!!

My good friend Sharni looked after all my kids yesterday cos i was working and they are on school holidays...(thank you Sharni...you are a star!!xxxxx) and when i picked up my kids Sharni told me that Josh had been saying "ball"!!!!!

I cant wait to hear what he will come out with next....

there are so many joys to be found in the daily lives of my children...I cant imagine my life without them....xxxxx

WOO HOO!!!!!!

My Beautiful little 6 year old was asked to sing at this years Kardinia Carols....Im sooooooo proud of her I want to cry!!!

Every year Kardinia puts on Carols for the Geelong Community, there is usaully around 1000 people attend on each of the nights...what a huge gig for a six year old!!

I think this would be close to Jasmine's biggest dream come true right now...she adores the stage...much like her mother once did..a long time ago...back when i actually had a shred of confidence. I cant tell you how proud I am of my little girl...I cant wait to see her up there...

We better go shopping for the perfect dress!!!

So every one that knows me...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come along and see my girl do her thing on the 13th and 14th on dec at the Kardinia Heights Centre 7:30pm....oh by the way...anyone with a good camera....could you do me a biggie and take some awesome shots of my little star....xxx